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Nurse Sparks Avalanche of New Medical Names for NBA Coaches, Players

Nick Nurse coaches the NBA’s Toronto Raptors. 
His last name has inspired the vast majority of NBA coaches and players to change their names to something related to the medical field.
For instance, today Greg Popovich changed his name to Greg Doctor. Steve Nash, who this week became the head coach of the Brooklyn Nets, switched to Steve Physician.
LeBron James is now LeBron Pharmacist. His teammate, Anthony Davis, should now be called Anthony Internist. Chris Paul is now Pulmonologist Paul.
Kevin Durant is now Dermatologist Durant. Russell Westbrook goes by the name Russell Rheumatologist.
The Commissioner of the League is now Adam Arthritis. He’s keeping his former last name Silver on his birth certificate for sentimental reasons.
“I’ve always wondered why my last name is Nurse because no one else in the Yellow Pages has that last name,” said Nick Nurse. “Only nurses are called nurses, but no one’s actual name is nurse except mine. Now I know there’s been a reason for this all along. I would coach in the NBA and many in the league would feel compelled, for inexplicable reasons, to change their names to something to do with the medical profession.”
Adam Arthritis, who doesn’t have arthritis, chose it because of the alliteration. The first letter of his first name is A and the first letter of arthritis if A.
During the NBA playoffs in the Mickey Mouse Bubble Arena, there will be a ceremony at halftime of each game with another player or coach changing his name to something to do with medicine.
“We need to draw more eyeballs to the TV sets, so we figured something absurd would work,” said Arthritis.
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